Why I Am Shaving My Head

More people than ever are experiencing alopecia. Hair loss from drugs, chemo, cancer, chronic illness, hormonal imbalance.

I am priveleged that my mane is  thick and healthy, an adaptable color and medium wave. I am very blessed, and I know that. I want to know some of how the other half lives.

It’s also a reclaiming for me.

Historically, and still in some parts of the world, to shave the head of a woman is one step removed from rape. It is a sign of humiliation and shame, a taking by force of something she values, stripping dignity. A man can do it in a fit of moral passion and still sleep at night. 

It was meant to brand the “wayward woman”, the rebel. The social outcast. The less-than. The UnWoman.

Come on, baby, light my fire…

I have talked to women who are in relationships where the other person will literally not allow them to cut their hair, or has such strong opinions about its beauty value and what the loss of it would be that the woman is too afraid to lose their appeal or worth in that person’s eyes.

I have been that woman.

I have hidden behind my hair, distracted myself with updating it when I couldnt or wouldnt change other things in my life that needed attention.

I have tried more products, styles, changes, and accessories than I care to count. A lot of them worked for me! I am priveleged with great hair, I can carry off a variety of styles and looks. Almost everything looks good on me.

I don’t know if it’s because of the amount of blessing or not, but for me my hair has been both a canvas of experimentation and a visible barometer of my internal journey. So if I feel my hair is not reflecting my state-of-soul, I get dissatisfied.

Until recently when I figured this out, I just thought I was a flighty and shallow, insecure bitch!! And so have a lot of hair stylists and probably my husband, LOL! 

Also…I’m kinda just done. Not even pixie-cut done, SHAVE done.

I have really thick hair. REALLY THICK. I get flaky scalp, oily sebum stuff that gets under my nails, and after the first day post shower it just ends up pulled back, out of the way. And then I get headaches and tender scalp because it’s so heavy.

My hair is in my way.

I am a mother of a toddler. Or should I say, tugger.

I want some freedom.

Also, I’d like to switch it up and spend more time with makeup when I go out because I KNOW what my hair is doing! 

This hair has been with me through some of the most stressful times of my life, to date. It and my cells are carrying the memory of that.

I can’t slough off all my old cells, though they will all be replaced within a year. Except for my hair… that I can chose to part with, now.

So many cultures have traditions of hair cutting. For grief, repentance, marriage, shame, new beginnings.

I ran across a quote on Pinterest, “A woman who changes her hair is about to change her life.”

And I am.

I want to finally get back to my art post-baby.

I want, for the first time in my LIFE, to join a gym.

I am finally in a new state for the first time, away from parents and friends and anyone who knows me or expects anything of it.

Yes, my husband (a cis hetero man) is complaining. I really do have awesome hair, and I know that. But, he also understands. He has shaved his head multiple times, and is encouraging me out the other side of his mouth to go for it and experience it. 

I have amazing eyes, flawless ears, good skin, a dramatic mouth, and (hopefully) enough chutzpah to carry this off. 🙂

Plus, he might do it with me!!

So, in a sacred (and slightly scared) act of female empowerment and hair activism, I will be learning to love myself for what is there without anything to hide behind or blame.

It will free me to shower more and care for my skin alone, decorate my face, explore core confidence, change my style and habits, embrace new routines and develop my body’s potential for beauty.

As it grows, I hope to have an entirely natural hair care routine, along with brushing and oiling and many fun cuts along the way!

I am excited to learn and love my hair from the roots upward. 🙂

Have you ever engaged in a drastic hairstyle change? How did it make you feel? What, if anything, did it change for you?




Womb Words: Herbal Control

It’s time to put some details together about Abortion that have been floating in the atmosphere. Im pretty surprised it’s not more common knowledge, but if no one else is going to hop on this particular topic, I will.

Did you know that there are plants out there that will induce a miscarriage? Meaning, close to a dozen plants (in their natural and God created state) exist on this earth to give a woman control over her fertility cycles.

What does that tell you about God?

What it tells me is that God trusts women and wants them to have a choice about when, how, and how many children they have.

I can hear the arguments because I grew up with them, and because they used to be mine. I’ll walk you through roughly the same thought process I had.

It is not a credible argument to attempt a loose symbolism between those plants and “the forbidden fruit.” (Which was forbidden for a reason- knowledge of good and evil, i.e. Self doubt and Overthinking. Not forbidden because it was a pleasure or an escape or a medicine)

After Eden, if all that occurred in precisely the terms of the King James Bible, even a literalist must be convinced that no where did God mention leaving forbidden plants around merely to tempt us.

And lest anyone bring up The Tempter, all he could create were illusions. These plants are very real.

SO! Into the breach, dear friends.

Let’s discuss this, since emmenogouge plants mean God had family planning, up to and including abortions, in mind.

Some may argue that since there are many beneficial attributes to these herbs that support fertility, menopause, and PMS as well as healthy labor and delivery, that the abortofacient properties are an example of misusing the herb.

Yet there are herbs whose sole purpose lies in the process of initiating and completing abortion.

So, where does that leave us?

I conjecture that what grieves and disgusts many into impassioned frenzies against the proceedure is the sheer medical gore and apparent ruthlessness that the modern abortion and coat hanger era conjures.

With this, I must address The Silent Scream. Many anti-choice proponents refer to this movie often, and many pro-choicers don’t know how to follow it.

When I was considering my own choices and deciding on an abortion, I came across the information in The Silent Scream.

I lurched back from my computer, crying and gibbering to Heaven that I could not, would not, do that if the fetus would be so conscious.
I’m not a monster, no woman is. I have experienced a miscarriage of a wanted child, long awaited pregnancy and difficult birth of a wanted child, this was all hard enough without causing pain to another human organism.*
I asked God that if this was truly the best plan for my life, I needed proof my heart could resonate with that at under 20 weeks the living tissues forming wouldn’t truly be suffering. Spirit told me to Google scientific papers about fetal pain experience.

This led me to the knowledge that, like many facts put forth by the “Pro-Life” movement, their understanding of the stages of fetal development is scientifically off. 

It is true that near 8 weeks the muscular system forms enough to REFLEX. It is these reflexes to stimulii that appear to exhibit what we would equate as a response to pain.

However, the NEURAL CONNECTION in the brain that processes the experience of pain from stimulus to sensation is NOT developed until closer to 24 weeks. Barely 1% of abortions occurr around then, almost exclusively medically necessary to save the grieving mother’s life. I may have read or at least find it highly credible that in those cases the poor dear would be given at least as good of lethal injection as an inmate…
What this scenario of emotive constructs tells me as a student of human nature is that for the vast number of babies who are prepared for, wanted, or loved, we humans tend to obsess in the possibility of how soon they can experience our world on the outside. Anthropomorphic personification is more rampant in this generation than any other. And that’s fine! But we must be aware of it and know where to draw the line.

*I said human organism above because we do share that identity. But it is not yet classified as a being. With the pregnancy that resulted in miscarriage at 10 weeks, I had already been reading on baby development and talking to it. Yet scientifically that makes as much sense as petting a rock. It’s all in one’s perspective. Really it just has to do with how wanted the baby is. Pregnancy with my daughter was much the same way, and while I was being told by pro-life friends and family that “Of course she can hear you” and so on, I knew within my Self and body that it was pointless to be carrying on conversations and bonding until well after 20 weeks. I felt nothing but some bodily discomfort until then. 

Close to 24 weeks with her, I began to feel suddenly unalone, like when someone is watching you or you thought you were the only one in a room.

I have since seen energy scans of the female body at times in a woman’s cycle and duration of pregnancy to birth, confirming that the energy doubles and swirls as the second consciousness begins to inhabit.

Not to go entirely woo-woo, but that is exactly the vision I had when we thought we were pregnant years previous and I was trying to feel like bonding before 20 weeks. Before then, the consciousness/soul of the new person just peeps in at the new digs, but remains seperate until those neural connections are fully formed.

Talk to your blueberry, your Blip, rub your lime and cherish your lemon. But the child you will birth and love is not there yet. 

Take a load off. I know you’re excited, but you still have some months to focus on yourself.
I find it tragic that because of The Silent Scream and subconscious cultural trend towards early personhood, a good doctor skilled at a medical proceedure was put off forever by something humans were perhaps not meant to see.

There is no tube to flinch away from with an herbal abortion, but as the herbs take affect and the placenta detaches, the uterus contracts, would not an observed fetus also be seen in the muscular reactions of distress? Oxygen supply going, heart failing, blood thinning, body squishing to bits in the contractions.

I am no stranger to these facts, and the truths of what abortions are, herbal or otherwise.

YET. These herbs were supplied by the creator. This harsh reality is a sometimes necessary one.
Any death carries some tragedy.

Life is precious. All life.

Yet we are so removed from the sights of death that this one remaining vestige is like a neanderthal’s ghost to be erradicated from our modern consciousness.

All life IS life.
And death is often a part of it.

How many animals have died for your life, your health, your food preferences? How many more will? And that mountain of blood, death, pain, and children and parents torn from each other is still not always a catalyst for vegetarianism. 

Why not?

Because I believe we humans are not truly unsettled by death.

How could we be, and have survived this long? Slaughtering animals used to be a celebration, or at least a family past time. 

Blood doesn’t bother us as much as we like to think. And I’m not here to say that it should.

We are closer in some ways to our ancestors than to our ascendant potential.

But we are oh so far from our ancestors in others.